‘Twas the night before Super Bowl and all through the house
dips and sliders were being made for everybody’s mouths
Team colors were worn by fans and front-runners alike
in hopes that their team would win the very next night.
I was feeling a little poetic because I’m just so excited that tomorrow is The Super Bowl! As we’re all aware, the Super Bowl draws two types of people:
- Actual football fans
- People who use football as an excuse to gather socially and eat and drink excessively
Some people just don’t follow football, and that’s ok. You should still be able to participate in the festivities without feeling left out. So, if don’t know the difference between a quarterback and a quarter pounder or a half back and a half rack, here’s a guide to faking the Super Bowl.
- Pick a team.
- Prepare/buy a delicious dish to bring
- GET BEER AND/OR ALCOHOL
Things you will need to practice:
- High fives
- Jumping up and down
- Throwing stuff at the tv screen
- Trash talking
- Watch for clues in order to implement above behaviors. When your friends cheer, cheer with them. When your friends boo, boo with them. When you have no idea whats going on, chug a beer and stuff your face…you’ll fit right in!
- Save high fives for when something super exciting happens such as:
- Your team pulls off a two-point conversion
- It’s 4th down, the other team has the ball and you sack their quarterback
- More buffalo chicken dip comes out of the kitchen
Ok! So now you are on your way to being a Super Bowl survivalist. Eating and drinking in the name of professional sports is a tough job and we thank you for doing it.